Days of Orion
by TheQueenOfTheFoxes
Summary: The days of Artemis's treatment, starring Orion, and other alters. Actually, just one more. But just one is more than enough for Artemis to handle.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I love Orion. LOVE him. There are not enough fanfics out there starring him. So, this will be a fic about Arty's time in the clinic, starring Orion and possibly other alters! I'm just going to put all my random ideas out there. There is no **_**plot**_** plot, just a bunch of chronological snapshots of Arty's treatment. Enjoy!**

**I don't own the Artemis Fowl books or characters. **

Holly walked briskly into a room at Dr. Argon's psych clinic. The room happened to belong to one Artemis Fowl, though she didn't know if that would be who awaited her. This was the first day of electro-shock therapy for Artemis, and no one knew how he would respond. The doctor had instructed Holly and Co. to spend as much time with Artemis as possible, because much of the complex was related to his guilt towards them. In addition to this, as his closest- and only- friends, they would have a calming effect on him. Hopefully.

Pushing open the door, Holly stopped dead. The youth in the bed had looked up and given her a smile so sappy it made her sick. Holly inwardly groaned, but not outwardly, as Dr. Argon had told her to humor any alters that might appear. It was Orion, then. Great. Or rather, D'arvit.

"My princess! At last!" Orion placed his book on his lap and stared adoringly at Holly.

"Hello, Orion." Holly replied brightly, walking over to a chair beside the bed and glanced around the room. It was brightly lit, the majority of the room was cream colored, and white tiles covered the floor. Holly sat down and glanced at Orion's book. It was a collection of love poems.

"How have you fared, lovely maiden?" Orion reached for her hand, which was lying on the bedside table.

"I've been fine, Orion, thanks. How are you feeling?" Holly drew back her hand quickly.

"Alas, I am not feeling as well as I might hope. But a knight knows no discomfort, eh? The sight of your radiant visage has banished the pain from my soul!" Orion proclaimed.

"Your soul?" Dr. Argon had instructed her to gain as much information as to how Artemis/Orion was dealing with the therapy. "Does anything, um, physical hurt?"

"My heart only, princess, it so longs for you!" Holly sighed. At least she wouldn't have to bear it alone much longer.

"Some others are coming to visit in a few minutes, Orion. Foaly and Butler want to see how you're doing. Mulch is coming tomorrow."

"Splendid! What a pleasure to once again see my loyal companions. Although I have yet to meet Sir Butler, I have many fond memories of him!"

"Right. I forgot that you hadn't met him in person yet." Holly glanced around for something to say. Her gaze fell on the book in Orion's lap. "Er, is that a good book?" Orion looked down at it, and his smile, if possible, became even sappier.

"Indeed, fair maiden! It is a collection of great love poems, though none are fit to describe the depth of my love for you!"

"Orion, if you could tone it down a little, please. There's no need to be so loud," Holly said, wincing. Orion's voice was sure to wake up the patient in the next room.

"Of course, my princess," Orion whispered, "I would rather feed myself to a dragon than upset you again!"

Holly sighed, then turned towards the door. A clip-clop of hooves could be heard outside the door, then Foaly and Butler entered the room, Butler ducking under the door to avoid running into it. Orion sat up straighter.

"Ah, noble steed!" Orion shouted, promise forgotten, "Loyal comrade! How wonderful to see you again!"

Foaly stopped dead, looking at Orion.

"Great. Just great," he muttered. Louder he said, "How are you doing, Orion? Feeling any better?"

Orion looked a bit annoyed.

"Why must everyone worry about me? I am perfectly fine, for your information. I could slay a hundred dragons right now without breaking a sweat!"

"Wow," Foaly whinnied, "That sounded almost normal until the dragon part."

Butler was staring in disbelief at Orion. The big man had been informed of the side effects of the complex, and Foaly had explained about Orion, but Butler hadn't really believed it before now.

"Artemis?" he asked hesitantly. The boy that looked like Artemis Fowl smiled at him.

"Ah, Butler!" said the youth, "How wonderful to finally meet you in the flesh! Let me introduce myself: I am Orion. And I must ask, do you have any relations who are perhaps evil? Or enjoy the taste of human bones, baked into bread? For I would love nothing better than to smite them, and perhaps earn the fair princess's love! What say you, good sir?"

Butler stared at Orion, in even greater disbelief than before. He opened his mouth to reply, then closed it again. He looked at Holly for support. She only shrugged. Even Foaly was speechless. Finally Butler managed a few words.

"Fair princess?" he choked out. Orion's face glowed.

"Indeed! The lovely maiden beside me who even now bewitches my heart with her beauty, her grace, her incredible-"

"Orion!" Holly shouted, "That's enough!" Orion pouted.

"My apologies, princess. But I was only complimenting your astounding beauty. One would think-. But alas, I must make it up to you. Sir Butler, you never answered my query. Do you have any malicious relations? For I would say one to win back the fair maiden's heart!."

"No evil relatives, I'm sorry to say," grunted Butler, who was still dumbstruck, "I'll let you know if I hear of any."

"My gratitude, fellow knight."

Butler turned to Foaly.

"How did you put up with this in a confined space?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm sorry it took me so long to update! This writing business is hard, you know. Have fun reading the chap. Another one soon, I am hopefully over my (immediate) block for this fic. Review and enjoy!**

**I own **_**nada**_** that Colfer does. **

Artemis groaned, watching events unfold on the mind-screen. That complete idiot Orion! Even Butler had met him now. Hopefully Artemis would be in control when his mother visited. If it was Orion, Angeline would never take him seriously again.

And to think that Orion came from his own mind! He knew he should have lain off the romance novels. Artemis gazed in a kind of horrified trance as Orion spouted nonsense that was gradually more and more ludicrous. It came as a relief, therefore, when he saw Dr. Argon inform Orion that it was time for the second round of electro-shock therapy, and Orion skipped happily after him, after a teary farewell to Holly.

He watched impatiently as the doctor took his time hooking Orion up to the machine, attaching the electrodes to his forehead. Finally they shocked him, and gritting his teeth at the pain he ran forward, pushing through the gel wall.

Taking a great gasp of air, Artemis surfaced in the real world, glancing around gratefully. Dr. Argon was surveying him.

"Artemis? Is that you?"

"Yes it is. Thank you for getting rid of that imbecile, it was truly painful to watch."

Argon scribbled on his clipboard.

"So, Orion irritates you, does he?"

"Immensely. Now, if you'll kindly stop trying to analyze me, let me up. I need to see my friends." Frowning, Argon unstrapped Artemis. Before he could stop him, Artemis was on his feet and heading out the door. He strode purposely down the hall, until he got to his room. Holly and Butler were still there, conversing quietly. They stopped abruptly when he walked in, and Holly glanced at him guiltily.

"Discussing how crazy I am?" he asked.

"Artemis," Holly said, "_You're_ not crazy. Orion is."

"But Orion did come from my mind, so I must be a little crazy."

Holly laughed, and Butler gave a half-hearted grimace. "I'm sorry, Artemis, but that Orion guy is a little too out there for me."

"Yes, I need to apologize to you both. Holly, I am truly sorry for how Orion is acting, I assure you I have no control over what he says. And Butler, the same to you."

"It's all right, Artemis. He isn't the first one to make the assumption," Butler chuckled.

"However," continued Artemis, "I can hardly apologize for Orion's actions every time I am myself again. So let's assume that I'm sorry for anything that he ever says or does." He suddenly winced. "Extremely."

"You're counting again, Arty," Holly noticed. Artemis sat down heavily into a chair.

"Yes, it would seem so. The effects of the shock therapy aren't permanent, but do help in the long run." He glanced at the clock and yawned. It was late.

"I'll stop by tomorrow, Artemis," promised Holly, "Get some sleep." She got up and left, Butler following behind her.

Artemis had no sooner sunk into the covers of the bed than fallen asleep.

Something poked his face. And again. Something bristly. Artemis opened his eyes and yelped, having found a pair looking right back at him, wide in amusement. The bristly thing was a beard.

"Mulch!" Artemis croaked. The dwarf had been leaning over Artemis staring at him. Then he burst out laughing.

"I've been here for ten minutes, mud whelp!" chortled Mulch, "You're a heavy sleeper!" Artemis scrubbed at his chin with the blanket, trying to wipe as much of the beard residue away as possible.

"It's too early for this, dwarf," growled Artemis, "Go away."

"Not a chance, little Arty. It's later!"

"What do you mean, it's later?" asked Artemis, and then remembered with a sinking feeling what he had said in the shuttle. Mulch laughed harder.

"So, what's up, Arty?" Artemis winced at the deliberate four. "Any lunatic rages lately? Are you completely round the loop yet? Holly says you're crazier than my cousin Nord on cappuccino, now there's something to see."

"I am not 'round the loop' Mulch, neither do I resemble your cousin Nord in any way. Nor will I ever, if I can help it."

"I don't blame you, mud boy. By the way, do you still have that little four phobia?" Artemis cringed, and that was all the answer Mulch needed. He jumped up and chanted:

"Four, four, go away! Come again some some other day!" Artemis shrank back into his bead. "Four, four, four, four-"

The door banged open. "What on earth is going on in here?" Butler had barged in, and took in the scene before him. Artemis cowering on the bed, white faced, and Mulch bent double in laughter, guffawing.

"Alright, that's it." He grabbed Mulch and hauled him out. "We told you that you are not allowed in this room," he growled. Holly came in as he dragged Mulch down the hall.

"Hey, Artemis. You ok?"

"Not particularly, no."


	3. Chapter 3

**Wow! A bunch or reviews! Thank you, readers! I'll reply in a second. My new year's resolution: Update all fics at least once every two weeks. So help me, I'll do it! **

**ACompanyOfSwans: Wow, thanks! I try, I like to think I know the characters inside and out .**

**May: That's a good idea. Can I actually use a variation of that in a later chapter? I'm short on ideas.**

**To Die upon a kiss: Thanks! I'm working on another alter, expect one in chapter six or so.**

**Feline Jaye: Sorry it wasn't. I don't know the exact page, but it's in the shuttle when Mulch asks Artemis if they can tease him about his complex later. Artemis had just made them sit in order according to height. **

**I just chose some to reply to, thanks to everyone else! About the chap: It's short, I just had to get something out. I had trouble with Orion in this one, so sorry it he's a little OOC. Please tell me If you catch anything. Thanks! I love you all!**

**Hmm. Ownership is an allusion. Oh, alright, if you want technicalities, then I don't own AF.**

Angeline sat by Artemis's bed in the clinic, watching her oldest son sleep. She was still reeling internally from the events of the last few hours. It was understandable, really. Being brought in a high tech ground-submarine to the center of the earth, by fairy tale creatures no less, was enough to give anyone the shakes. But Angeline Fowl was coping surprisingly well.

A sudden movement caught her attention. Artemis's hand had twitched. This was followed by more twitching, then a groan from said mud boy. He sat up, rubbing his eyes blearily as if disoriented.

"Arty?" Angeline whispered. The boy's eyes snapped open, and he fixed his gaze upon his mother. "Oh, Arty! I've been so worried! You were still asleep when I got here, and it's been hours! They said you've just had your third round of shocks, and I'm not so sure about that, electrocuting people to cure them, and they said that you would be out for a while, but still! How are you feeling?" Angeline didn't give her son time answer and smothered him in a hug. When she pulled back there was a huge smile on his face. Angeline was delighted. Had Holly been there, or Butler, they could have warned her. But Mrs. Fowl had no idea that she was not speaking to Artemis Fowl.

"Mother! How delightful to see you at last!" At this, Angeline Fowl began to catch on. Artemis sounded oddly jovial, and that huge smile was still there. But there was something different about his eyes that looked off.

"At last, Arty? We saw each other two days ago."

"Ah, of course! I did wonder, you see, when you called me Arty. Let me introduce myself, noble lady: I am Orion. Artemis's alter! They did tell you about me, of course?" Angeline was taken aback, but recalled the information on Artemis's alter ego that the elf, Holly had given her. Brief, confusing, and negative.

"Yes, they did give me some information, but not much. Tell me about yourself." Angeline was rather curious as to how this boy had come to be in Artemis's head.

"Simply put, I am the more charming and likeable side of that boor, Artemis. The better side, in my opinion. I've been in there for a while, but only just escaped the dungeon of Artemis's head. It's refreshing, meeting all my wonderful companions in the flesh. Especially the noble steed and fair princess, the lady Holly! And now you! Artemis thinks about you quite a lot, and I must say, you are enchanting!" Angeline laughed.

"But Artemis is still in there? He can get out?" Orion frowned.

"Indeed, fair lady, Artemis will most likely be here after the next shock. Although I would prefer to be scorched by a dragon's fire than be struck by that lightning."

"A dragon's fire? Are they real too?" Angeline was shocked at how different this Orion was from her son, but amused all the same.

"Indeed." Orion was delighted to have an audience. "We were perusing one such foul beast not long ago, my lady. Even the princess admitted readily that it had breath of fire. Quite a close call. Not unlike when I discovered a magic pebble and was nearly gored by a monster. Now that was terrifying. But the noble beast sir Foaly was there, too. He and sir Butler are truly loyal companions! Although both still refused to search for my birthmark."

"What birthmark? Artemis doesn't have one."

"Ah, yes. But it might be there! I am certain it is. But birthmarks are no proper subject for a fair noble like yourself and my princess, Holly." Angeline laughed.

"Holly is your princess? Artemis never mentioned that."

"Artemis doesn't admit his feelings for Holly! But I know better. Her radiance and beauty shine down on me like the rays of the sun! Her very presence warms my soul! Every word from her mouth is a pearl- no, a diamond! A priceless one, from the king's hoard. An hour would not be enough time to tell you even a third of how magnificent she is. Her eyes-"

The door banged open.

"Is he ranting about me again?" Holly asked.

"Princess!" Orion swung around. "How I have longed for your presence like a thirsting knight longs for water in a desert! Like a parched-" Holly spoke over Orion.

"Artemis hoped he would be in control when you visited. Sorry you got Orion instead."

"Sorry?" Angeline asked, over Orion's compliments on Holly's shoes. "Why are you sorry! He's delightful!"

"Repeat that, please, if you wouldn't mind. In one second." Holly said, activating the recording device in her helmet. Even Orion went silent.

"Orion is delightful." Angeline repeated. "I love him!" Holly stared at her, then sent the recording to Foaly.

"Well, that's one. After a while, though, you'll see. It gets a bit old." Holly jerked her head toward Orion.

"-spectacular taste in weaponry, never misses, a deadly beauty, like a cobra, no a lion, no-"

Angeline blinked. "Yes, I see. How long does he do that for?"

"The record's forty three minutes. Foaly timed it." There was a knock at the door, and Dr. Argon entered.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Fowl, but Artemis needs to take a few pills and get some rest. The no visitor hours start now, but you are welcome to come back tomorrow." Angeline looked down at the elf. He looked slightly nervous being in such close proximity to a mud woman. He was rubbing his leg, as if injured.

"Certainly." She replied. "I'll be back first thing in the morning." She stood, and looked at Holly.

"We have a room ready for you." The captain told her. " I'll show you around, then take you, so you know where to find me and Foaly if you need anything."

"Thank you." Angeline smiled, taking one last look at the unusually innocent child sitting on the bed before leaving.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, look! I'm keeping my resolution! It's two weeks from my last post, and my chapter is up! Yes! Again, if my writing slips or the characters are OOC, PLEASE let me know! **

**Wrothmonk: Thanks, I took your suggestion. I plan to include Argon more in the future. **

**Novellanutella: This wasn't going to be an A/H fic, mostly humor. That's just Orion's personality talking. Also, how did you get the conversion into human years?**

**ACompanyofSwans: You give great reviews, I really appreciate them. By all means, keep reviewing.**

**General-Jingwei: Thank you! I loathe fics with bad grammar. I found those two, and I'll fix them when this chapter goes up. Thanks for pointing them out. I was in a rush and didn't read it through very well before posting, hopefully that won't happen in this chapter. **

**You can't own a person, that is illegal. So, I can't own Artemis Fowl. Simple. **

Artemis blinked several times, and the world sizzled into existence. Once again, he had woken with numerous electrodes attached to various places on his person. _These things really are uncomfortable, _he thought. He was getting tired of waking up like this, an experiment in a lab. _Now I know how that mouse felt. Although I haven't been chewed on by Beckett. As far as I know._

The eager eyes of Dr. Argon were staring down at him, constantly trying to analyze.

"How do you feel, master Fowl? I imagine you'll be a bit more sore than last time."

"I am sore," Artemis answered, "But that is to be expected. Four rounds of shocks are more painful than three." 

"There's that," the doctor agreed, "But there are also some other factors. We're increasing the amount of electricity now, so you're getting bigger doses. Also, the complex gets worse before gets better."

"I see. And will this affect the strength of the Orion personality?"

"Indeed. As the complex progresses, any alter personalities will also increase. The next time we see Orion, his… eccentricity will have increased."

"More like his insanity, I'd say."

"One more thing. There is a good chance we may be seeing another alter, as the Orion personality becomes more complex. The alters are not as conscious, so to speak, as you Artemis, the main consciousness. One alter cannot become so compound, so part of the personality breaks off and another alter is formed. I've seen some cases with as many as five alters. Never a human, however, so I can't say for sure."

_Wonderful, _thought Artemis, _Another Orion. What will my brain come up with now? _ Then he thought of the little addiction to romance novels he had gone through, and shuddered.

An hour later, after some intensive psycho-analyzing, Artemis was escorted to his room, where he was surprised to see his mother and Holly waiting for him.

"Mother!" Angeline looked up, and, upon seeing her son, stood and wrapped him in a hug.

"Arty! So good to see you!"

"Yes, mother, it is good to see you as well. Er…" Artemis didn't know how to bring up Orion. Angeline was a step ahead of him, however.

"Arty, dear, this Orion fellow." Artemis visibly winced.

"Yes, well, you see, Orion is an alter ego. It's a side effect of the complex-" Angeline cut him off.

"I know _what_ he is, Arty. What I want to know is where he came from. He's nothing like you at all!"

"He is the more flamboyant, frivolous part of my mind. I have all the characteristics that Orion has; Orion just has them in a larger scale. I'm sorry you had to meet him. At least, before me." Angeline sighed.

"Why does everyone think Orion is so terrible? I like him." Artemis looked pained.

"That's what I thought you said yesterday, I just didn't want to believe it." 

"I recorded it," Holly piped in. "We can watch it if you still don't believe it."

"No need for that. I believe it," Artemis replied.

"I've got it!" Angeline said, "Arty, does this Orion personality have anything to do with that romance novel binge you went on last year?"

"Mother!" Artemis's face flushed, and he glanced at Holly.

"Artemis reads romance novels?" Holly cackled, "I didn't know it was my birthday!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Woo! Alright, third chapter up since my resolution! Nice! Granted, I'm cutting it a bit fine, but it still counts. Exactly two weeks from my last update.**

**Please excuse the shortness, I was in a rush. I put this off till the last minute, and I'm packing for a trip tomorrow. Again, I beg you to alert me if this is at all OOC, or if it seems like my writing is slipping. I can always redo the chapter. Also, I fixed some minor grammar errors in the last chapter as well as posting this. **

**Not a lot of reviews last chapter, only four. : ( Sad… oh, well, I can reply to all of them now. **

**Harold: Thank you, I love toast!**

**Mischievous101: Thank you for pointing that out, I fixed it! Good, I need people to make sure I'm keeping it!**

**My perspective: Sorry it takes so long, but I'm really busy! At least I've been updating like I said I would. : )**

**ACompanyofSwans: Ah, my ever-faithful favorite reviewer. Thank you for reviewing every chapter, nice and thought out too. : ) Thank you for the compliment, and your faith in my writing abilities! **

**Oh, Artemis. How I wish you were mine! But you aren't, because I don't own you!**

Artemis was asleep. Not a natural sleep, however. Far from it. This sleep was in fact brought on by a mix of different fairy medicines.

The purpose of this induced sleep was to allow Artemis time to make peace with Orion, or so said Dr. Argon. Once Artemis accepted that Orion was part of his mind, then the reconnection stage could begin. This being the process of integrating the Orion personality back into Artemis, forming one whole consciousness.

All of these reasons and more were drifting through Artemis's head as he tried to convince himself that this had been a good idea. He was failing, to put it lightly.

Artemis watched Orion in his mind-room, not through a screen this time. No, this time Orion was right in front of him, and Artemis was experiencing this personality anomaly full force.

"Indeed!" said romantic exclaimed, "I knew from the very moment her glorious face graced my eyes! Such beauty the likes of which has never been seen before, equaled only in the angels on heaven." Orion was losing steam. Artemis didn't think he even noticed another presence in the virtual room. He wasn't shouting anymore, at least.

Artemis felt he had to cut in as Orion drew another huge breath.

"If you wouldn't mind, please shut up." Artemis was extremely surprised to hear the words "shut up" coming out of his mouth, and could have slapped himself for allowing such a common, vulgar phrase enter his mind.

Orion was offended.

"I will not "shut up" as you so crudely put it. I could never stifle the song of my heart, singing its praises to the fair princess! For she is the light that keeps me alive day by day, the magnificent lioness who is, fierce, with a deadly beauty-" Artemis again tuned Orion out. It seemed that his commentary had only set him off again.

As Orion prattled on in the background, Artemis noticed something. A lump of darkness was lying on the ground in a virtual corner of the imagined room. Artemis rose and walked over to it.

Bending down next to the unidentified mass, Artemis examined it. It almost reminded him of an egg, albeit a misshapen, lumpy one. It seemed to pulse, and it swirled with color. Artemis knew what it was.

He glanced back. Orion was now standing, shouting at an invisible enemy.

"You dare challenge me! You evil knave, I will smite thee head to toe in penance! I will fight for my lady, my princess, until my dying breath!"

The Orion personality was growing too complex, just as Argon had said. And so, Artemis now understood, a part of his personality was being siphoned off. This jiggling mass of color was another alter forming.


	6. Chapter 6

'**Ello, all! So, technically it's still Thursday, so technically I met my deadline. It's only eight! Well, at least I remembered yesterday that I had to update today. Aren't you proud of me? This is my fourth chapter in a row that's on time! Oh, happy days! Thanks for the reviews, a few more than last chapter! Keep 'em coming! More Mulch in this chapter, please tell me how I did on his character this time!**

**This chapter is a bit more random and crazy than the last, and I love it! It's more fun than anything else, and not very productive to the storyline, (Or is it?) but whatever! Enjoy! **

**One thing I want to clear up: Even though I'm going to introduce a new alter, this fic is primarily about Orion, so never fear. This new alter will not take priority. **

**Rush: Well, thank you very much! Don't worry, this fic isn't going to end anytime soon. And many thanks for the many positive adjectives!**

**My perspective: Next alter's probably in the next chapter or so, but it's probably not going to be depressing, sorry. My policy on this fic is that it's all light humor. **

**ACompanyofSwans: Thanks, and hopefully this chapter will be up to standard.**

**HolidayBoredom: Katy Perry? Umm… that's an interesting idea! Probably not going to fit this fic, though. You should write a story about that, it'd be hilarious!**

**Sugarpunch18: Brilliant but disturbed… hee hee. I like that. It fits Arty. **

**I… don't… it burns!... I don't own… Artemis… erg… Fowl!**

Mulch sat, watching the sleeping mud boy. The dwarf was on duty today, along with Dr. Argon, who had gone to check on a few other patients. Mulch didn't really know what to refer to the mud boy as, because he had no way of telling which consciousness was active, if any, when the boy was asleep.

So Mulch thought he would just settle for mud boy, or, more appropriately, mud whelp.

Said pungent dwarf was just wondering if he could nip out and get a snack when said mud whelp groaned and sat up, rubbing his eyes. Mulch grinned wickedly. He had not met Orion yet, but Dr. Argon had said that he was almost positive that Orion would be the dominant alter when he woke up. The wicked grin, showing off sizable slabs of teeth, was because he was running out of subject matter to annoy Artemis with, and the ravings of his psycho alter should do the trick.

"Greetings, loyal compadre," Orion said, sticking out his hand, "I don't believe we've met in person."

"No, we haven't," chortled Mulch, "Would you be Orion by any chance?" Orion smiled.

"Indeed yes, steadfast ally. And you must be Sir Diggums! I would recognize you in an instant, Artemis often wonders about your state of mind."

"Well, he's one to talk!" Mulch said, "He doesn't exactly have all the hairs in his beard himself, now does he?"

"Indeed not, good sir. But, I assure you, and the lady Holly if you happen to see her, that I am completely in my right mind. That is, Artemis's mind. It gets a little confusing, but you get the idea. Now, tell me something, Mulch, my compatriot." Mulch looked at him expectantly. "How exactly did you manage to care for Snow White and go back and forth to the mines all day when you can't go out in the sun? Surely you didn't simply jump from shadow to shadow?"

Mulch was, to say the least, speechless. Confounded might have been a better word to describe his muteness, or even thunderstruck. But the fact remains that Mulch Diggums, chattering dwarf extraordinaire, was without words. For several seconds. Possibly a record.

Internally, Mulch was running around in circles whooping about his good luck. And then he grinned, and that grin was not so much wicked, but more ill boding, ominous, and apocalyptic.

"You want to know," Mulch repeated slowly, "If I had trouble taking care of Snow White because I can't go out in the sun?" Orion nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes, good fellow. You and your six brothers, that is. We mustn't forget those hard working chaps. Noble to a fault, I'd imagine. But tell me, along with my other query, how did Snow White's beauty compare to my princess Holly's? For I must insist her beauty could not compare to my princess's radiance!" Mulch thought quickly.

"Well, you're right, mud whelp. Old Snow definitely did not look like Holly." You could almost see the gears in his mind turning. "In fact, she was one of the ugliest mud people I have ever had the misfortune to lay eyes upon. But she made a mean meatloaf…"

An hour and twenty minutes later, Dr. Argon returned from a particularly stressful meeting with a gnome suffering from chronic compulsions. The doctor walked into the room, where he was extremely surprised to find Mulch singing some mud song about digging. Orion was sitting up in bed exclaiming on the accurateness of Mulch's marching about the room.

"That's exactly it!" Orion shouted, "I knew right when I saw you!" Orion spotted Dr. Argon. "Doctor! Were you aware that Mulch here is internationally known as Happy? He's famous!"

Dr. Argon sighed. This job was simply too stressful. He deserved a weekend off, at least.


	7. Chapter 7

**Bonjour, my friends! Hello, world! Greetings, universe! Ok, that's enough of that. Thank you for all the reviews, everyone!**

**Victoria of Memphis: Gracias for the review! Yes, he has indeed been paying attention to the twins… Beckett at least. Deadlines are a pain, but if I didn't stick to them I wouldn't have this chapter out for another month. It's all about motivation!**

******HallelujahTheCreator: I love making people laugh, so yay! Well, at least I think people laugh. It's a fanfiction, you see. Thanks for the luck, and keep reviewing!**

**ACompanyofSwans: I considered grumpy, but he's more sarcastic and lighthearted at heart than mean. They should've made a dwarf called Stinky! And thank you very much!**

**KayDee-DesignerExtraordinare: Thank you! And he's my hero too… **

**Enjoy the chapter! I don't think it's quite as funny as the last ones, but the plot needed it. Not that there's much of a plot to this story, but sort of a backbone. I've been considering an "evil" alter, but I think it would be too heavy for the story. I need some feedback, so let me know it you feel the same. **

**I do not own the curious but wonderful creation that is Artemis Fowl.**

Artemis was growing tired of these induced sleeps. They did not leave him refreshed when he awoke, quite the opposite. He often found himself in need of a good nap to get rid of the effects of his unnatural sleep.

They were a necessary evil, however. Or so said Dr. Argon. And though Artemis had his doubts about the fairy psychiatrist, he didn't really have any choice but to trust the fairy.

In any case, the delusional idiot who shared his psyche was only a growing annoyance. Artemis had tried, somewhat, to accept Orion and integrate him back into his own consciousness, but he wasn't really making much progress. A part of him simply refused, despite everything, to accept that the psychopath that was currently _leaping_ around the room, performing an interpretive dance about- surprise- Holly Short's attractiveness, could be part of him. Holly, one of the only friends he had in the world! Was Orion _trying _to make any conversation with his friends painfully embarrassing?

Artemis watched Orion dance around some more, an expression of pure sappiness on his face. No, Artemis concluded, Orion was not doing anything on purpose. Just look at him! _He's got to be the most laughably innocent being on the planet, _thought Artemis, _He couldn't intentionally do something bad if he tried._

Suddenly Orion was at Artemis's side. This surprised Artemis if only for the reason that they generally avoided each other in the mind room.

"Artemis, my boorish counterpart!" stage-whispered Orion, "I fear there is an evil creature among us!" Artemis sighed. Orion didn't usually include him in his delusions.

"Orion, you deluded idiot, there is no evil creature in here. It is literally impossible for anything else to be inside my… our mind." But Orion pointed toward a corner of the room.

"You are mistaken, fellow knight! For there is evil in this room as sure as Holly is descended from Aphrodite, goddess of beauty." Orion paused, smiling sappily, then continued. "My knight's sixth sense is never wrong. Come, we must confront it!" Orion dragged Artemis forward.

Exasperated, Artemis obligingly followed Orion to the corner of the room. Then it dawned on him. This was where the pulsing egg like alter had lain the last time he was here.

"Orion-" Artemis started, but Orion interrupted.

"No time, my companion. We must find out what has found a way into our mind!" Artemis braced himself.

There was a figure in the corner. It was lying on the ground on it's back, the spitting image of Artemis and Orion. Then it opened its eyes, and Artemis could see the difference.

"Hello, Artemis, Orion," the new alter smiled, eyes glittering, "So nice to see you. I am-"


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello my readers! Guess what? I actually wrote this chapter the day before the deadline! Yay, I'm on top of things! **

**And let me just say, I certainly am glad none of you caught my mistake. Believe it or not, I actually forgot to add in the alter's name! But everyone just assumed it was a cliffhanger! That worked out nicely. But I really did just forget to finish the chapter. **

**RoseRedMisery: Special shout out to you, my hundredth reviewer! Sound the trumpets and wave the banners! Yoda is perhaps the best suggestion so far, if only because I love Star Wars. Thanks for the review!  
**

**Absolutely Unusual: I did consider Apollo, but that seems to be the typical response for another alter. I chose something a little more discreet. And yes, embarrassed Arty is very entertaining. Gracias for the guess!  
**

**HallelujahTheCreator: I felt it would be rude to acknowledge Rose's Yoda suggestion and not yours. I love the Sith idea, too. Keep reviewing!**

**Victoria of Memphis: You were right the first time! (Also I like the nickname) It actually was a mistake! So, you get the award, da da da daaa! Reward: err… a virtual pat on the back .**

**KayDee-DesignerExtraordinare: As a matter of fact the dance did include large arm circles, as well as many twirls and leaps representing her astounding grace and dazzeling-ness. **

**ACompanyofSwans: Yes, I just realized how interesting their interactions would be as well. I'm going to try to add a lot more of that into the story, along with the new alter. **

**Hope you guys appreciate the St. Patrick's Day spirit of the chapter! Neat coincidence, huh? (That the deadline for the chap. is Patty's day) Enjoy and review!**

**All together now: I don't own Artemis Fowl! **

"Actaeon," Artemis reported to Dr. Argon, "That's what he's calling himself." The fairy made a note on his clipboard. Artemis in turn noted that fairy physiatrists are remarkably similar to human ones.

"What about his personality?" Argon asked, "Could you identify any main traits?" Artemis rolled his eyes.

"No, doctor, as you so kindly shocked me into awareness before I could interact with this new alter." The doctor frowned and made another note.

"Very well. Now that Actaeon has formed, the Orion personality will be weaker, you'll be relieved to hear." Artemis nodded.

"Yes. There is only so much of that idiot you can stand, and I have to have him inside my head full time. Although I am not glad that Actaeon has developed. His name in itself is ominous."

Dr. Argon raised an eyebrow.

"What does the name Actaeon suggest? I'm not familiar with the origin."

"Of course, doctor. I doubt human mythology is something many fairies study. In any case, the hunter Actaeon, in the Greek myth, was said to have seen the… goddess… Artemis bathing. In return, Artemis turned him into a deer and shot him. Pleasant, I know."

"That's very well," Argon said, "But what does that have to do with the Actaeon personality?"

"It suggests that Actaeon will consist of the more secretive, private parts of my mind. Or personality traits that I would rather you not experience. In this case, Actaeon could be as evil as I was a few years ago, or consist of some other former aspect of myself. I...er…" Artemis switched to a hushed tone, "I used to write romance novels." His face turned a bright red.

"I see." Argon made yet another mark on his clipboard. "Very well, I imagine you are fairly tired. I'll leave you to get some rest, and-" But Argon never finished, for at that moment Mulch burst into the room, Holly charging after him.

"Diggums, when I get my hands on you, I'll-" Mulch ducked behind Artemis's bed, looking equal parts insanely happy and scared for his life. Artemis looked at Holly, and thought that perhaps Mulch should be a bit more scared for his life.

In place of her normal auburn, the elf's hair was a vibrant shade of green. She marched slowly over to Mulch. The dwarf held out his hands.

"C'mon, Holly! A leprechaun that doesn't wear green on St. Patrick's Day? It's a crime!" Holly scowled.

"I don't care what it is Mulch, but you're going to wish you were still in Howler's Peak when I'm through with you." Mulch gulped and barreled past Holly in a burst of speed, knocking her over. Holly turned and raced after him.

Artemis was glad he would be asleep when the elf realized that Mulch had taped a **Kiss Me I'm Irish **sign on her back.


	9. Chapter 9

**Salutations! Have I already said this in another intro? I don't know, but whatever. I am so proud of myself, I am on such a roll! I'm on fire! This chapter came really easily!**

**KayDee-DesignerExtraordinare: Happy birthday to your friend! I pronounce his name Ak-tay-on. Keep reviewing!  
**

**Sugarpunch18: Hopefully you'll like this first glimpse of Actaeon. You think he's evil… but is he? Duh duh duh duh duhhhhh….**

**Victoria of Memphis: Yup, we'll never know what happened to ol' Mulch. I'll bring flowers to the funeral. Thanks for the review!  
**

**Tall Tales- Feline Jay: Yeah, that would not have ended well. For Orion…**

**Jasmine Wanderer: I know! That's why I started this fic, to properly celebrate the wonder that is Orion. Hmmm… Mulch finding out about the romance novels. Mon ami, you have just given me a brilliant idea! Gracias, and the next chap goes to you!**

**Orion Fowl: Hmm, yes, still no birthmark. But there is more yet to come…**

**ACompanyofSwans: Thanks! I haven't really been thinking about the interactions of the characters other than the alters/Artemis, so I'll try to work on that so they can be even better.**

**Enjoy the chap, and Actaeon! Can anyone guess what this alter is all about? Hmmm… I'd like to know your thoughts!**

**Hem hem. IIIII don't OWWWNNN Artemis FOOWWLL!**

The fairy psychologist, Dr. Argon, limped into his patient Artemis's room. His first human ward in his long career, in fact. Dr. Argon didn't particularly care about the once-in–a-lifetime research opportunity, however, as Artemis, and his bodyguard the man mountain, were quite intimidating. When they wanted to be. Argon would never admit it, but the cold, oddly formal mud boy scared him.

It was a good thing, then, that Artemis was not waiting in the bed. Nor was it the Orion personality.

It was someone completely different.

Dr. Argon marched resolutely over to the bed and looked down at the boy with what he liked to think was a stern expression.

"Good morning. I don't believe we've met yet. I am doctor Argon. You must be Actaeon." The youth in the bed looked slightly puzzled.

"How'd you know it was me?" He blinked up at the doctor. Argon made a note on his clipboard and underlined it. How'd.

"Your expression and posture," grunted Argon, "And there is a pattern to the personalities' appearance." The boy nodded and smiled. The smile was not cold, nor was it sappy. It was… innocent.

Argon made another note and pulled up a chair to the bed. Time for some psychoanalyzing.

"What can you tell me about yourself, Actaeon?"

"Like what?" The boy reached over and flipped the bedside lamp off, then on again. He repeated it, and looked delighted. Actaeon faced the doctor and pointed in amazement at the lamp.

"Did you see that?" Note. Argon frowned.

"It's a lamp. They all do that." Actaeon laughed.

"That's wonderful! Do you have one?" Argon opened his mouth to reply, in a slightly frustrated tone, when Actaeon cut him off. "Wait! Do you have any juice?"

"Juice?" asked Argon, "Why, yes, in the kitchens."

"Can I have some?" Actaeon looked over the moon. "Can I have… grape? And do you have any sandwiches?" Argon was baffled.

"Sandwiches?"

"Yes! Peanut butter and jelly! Grape jelly!" The look of anticipation on his face was painful.

"I'm afraid I don't have any sandwiches right now, Actaeon," Argon spoke carefully, "But if you'd answer a few questions, I'm sure that later-" Luckily, Foaly chose that moment to clip clop into the room.

This was lucky because Actaeon's expression had turned stormy, and explosive.

"Hey, Argon, I have the forms you needed." The centaur trotted over to the side of the bed and handed a few sheets to Argon.

"Yes, thank you Foaly. Now if you'd just-" But he was again cut off.

"Foaly!" cried Actaeon. Foaly looked at him.

"Yes, mud whelp?" Argon cleared his throat.

"This isn't Artemis, Foaly. This is Actaeon." Foaly blinked in surprise.

"Really? Well then, hello Actaeon. Nice to meet you and all that. Now, what's your problem? Are you as crazy as the rest?" said Foaly with typical Foaly tact. This wording proved to be a mistake.

"I- I don't have a problem!" Actaeon's voice was high pitched. Argon incredulously noted tears forming in the boy's eyes. "I j-j-just wanted some juice!" The boy's lip quivered.

Argon's mind was filled with the sound of a penny dropping.

"Foaly, I think you'd better leave. I'll return these to you in a few days. Thank you for dropping them off." Foaly nodded and cast an apprehensive glance at Actaeon before stepping lightly out of the room. Argon turned to Actaeon.

"Er… it's alright, Actaeon. Foaly didn't mean it. How about I go get you some juice?" Actaeon's face brightened.

"Really? Grape? Oh, and do you have any lollipops?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Aloha! Methinks you'll like this chapter! I sure loved writing it. (Also, you probably got two alerts cause I fixed some grammar on chapter nine).**

**As for the last: Congratulations to Starrgaizer, Minerva Elizabeth Juniper, Victoria of Memphis, and KayDee- DesignerExtraordinare! You all got it right! Actaeon is indeed the child that dear Arty never was, bless his heart. Yay to you guys!  
**

**ACompanyofSwans: Yes indeed! He could not resist the lure of caramelized sugar on a stick! Yup, I haven't written Foaly in a while, it was nice. Thanks for the review!**

**Jasmine Wanderer: I had forgotten about that scene! Yay! That can be an alternate reason for the sandwich. Also, nice unusual take on Actaeon, very poetic. Also, honored to be your first favorite!**

**Victoria of Memphis: I think it might be canon, it certainly seems like Argon isn't very brave (in the series). Thanks for the note!  
**

**Minerva Elizabeth Juniper: You were right, congrats! I never really thought about the names like that, but it makes sense. Thanks for pointing that out. Also, because Artemis killed both, that might be a bit of foreshadowing… but maybe not, I haven't planned that far. Keep reviewing!**

**Starrgaizer: Wow, thanks for the compliments! I'm glad so many people think I've got the characters down, it's very encouraging. Also, thanks for pointing out the mistake, I hate bad grammar in my fics. **

**So, my friends, once again I must ask you to read and review. This chapter goes to Jasmine Wanderer, whose review inspired the chap! **

**I do not own the beautiful, wondrous miracle that is Artemis Fowl.**

Artemis was sitting next to Holly on a bench. At a long, white table. With food on a tray in front of him. Peanut butter and jelly. Artemis had always hated cafeterias.

"C'mon, Artemis," Holly coaxed, "Just eat the d'arvit-ing sandwich!" Perhaps coaxed wasn't the right word.

"Holly, I will not touch that… thing. I don't eat _PB and J,_" the mud boy said scathingly, "Caviar, yes. Well prepared entrees, yes. Peanut butter and jelly, no."

Holly picked up the sandwich and waved it threateningly. 

"If you don't eat this thing now, I will shove it down your throat." Artemis scooted back an inch and prepared to make a run for it. Luckily, Mulch chose that moment to waltz in, grab the sandwich from Holly, and swallow it whole.

He sat down on the other side of Artemis, effectively trapping him on the bench. Artemis sighed in relief.

"You know Arty, you should have eaten that sandwich," Mulch winked at Artemis, "Because, it tasted like passion."

The normal death-white shade of the mud boy's face packed up and left, leaving no color what so ever. He sat stock-still, staring at Mulch, his worst nightmares and more coming true. Meanwhile, Holly was puzzled.

"Mulch, that doesn't make sense. It's just a PB and J sandwich, how can it taste like passion? And since when does passion have a taste?"

"Oh, you know," Mulch paused for effect, grinning wickedly at Artemis, "Since I fell head-over-heart." Artemis grew dizzy.

"Just like in this great book I was reading." And, to Artemis' absolute horror, Mulch proceeded to pull a squat paperback book from _somewhere _under him and slap it on the table in front of Holly. Artemis didn't even try to grab for it. He knew deep down that it was useless.

"Falling Head Over Heart?" Holly read, "What kind of title is that?" She stared incredulously at the cover, which featured a bare-chested mud man and a scantily clad mud woman riding a horse into a sunset. "Mulch, why on earth were you reading this?"

Mulch shrugged.

"Dear Arty's mother suggested it to me. Said something about getting Arty back for hiding the Ice Cube mission from her."

Artemis started writing his will in his head. Holly froze, then grinned manically and faced Artemis.

"Arty, dear," Holly purred, "You wouldn't happen to have written this little book, would you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Artemis responded, snapping out of his daze, "I have never laid eyes on that garish thing in my life."

"But," Holly grinned, "This says the author is Diana Avis. And I happen to know some mud man myths, and Diana is the other name for Artemis. And Avis is bird in some mud language. And bird is another word for 'fowl'. So, if I'm not mistaken, this book was written by you, my dear mud boy."

Artemis's mind reeled trying to comprehend the trouble he was in. And then Holly vaulted off the bench, sprinting for the door. Artemis reacted on instinct and raced after her.

"No!" he yelled, "Holly!" Holly, in turned, called:

"Foaly!"


	11. Chapter 11

**Greetings, earthling. Take me to your leader. This chapter was kind of hard to right, because I didn't want to make it too short. **

**Also, a note on the last chap: Dear readers, I have made a terrible mistake! I completely forgot that Arty already had a pen name! But, I think I'm going to keep Diana Avis, because: 1)I'm lazy, 2)I like the name, and 3) If I took the Avis part out, the chap would be too short. So there you go! **

**On with the replies: **

**ACompanyofSwans: Yes, Arty should be ashamed of himself. Not smut, though, more like fluff. He was only twelve after all. Keep reviewing!**

**allucinatoris: I'm with you on the crush part, hee hee. ;) But Angeline certainly got her payback. **

**Jasmine Wanderer: Yes, a few people mentioned that. So sorry for the mix up! And that part had me laughing just writing it.**

**Call me Mad: Yes, Arty torture is fun… stay tuned for more!**

**Not so many reviews on the last chap… Anyway, Orion Fowl, this chap's for you!**

**Me no owney Arty. **

Foaly whistled his favorite new Riverbend song, "My Shuttle's been Caught in a Lava Flare", as he trotted down hallway to Artemis's room. Although, according to the pattern they had been seeing, Orion was due today. What madness the babbling romantic would come up with this time, he could not fathom. He was, however, about to find out.

Foaly did not immediately comprehend the situation as he entered the room, intent on delivering some files and notes to Dr. Argon. However, once he was a few feet in the door, he soon realized something was amiss.

The big clue was the fact that Orion was in his bed, sitting up, and... shirtless. Argon, Angeline, Butler, Holly, and Mulch were all clustered around the bed.

"I cannot believe I never noticed it," Angeline was saying to Butler, while he nodded, looking worried, "And you, too! We've both known him since he was born, after all."

Argon was furiously taking notes on his ever-present clipboard.

"I say a Neutrino," Holly said to Mulch, who shook his head.

"No, Holly, that is a bum flap. You can see the shape there, look." Mulch reached over, and, to Foaly's incredulity, proceeded to point out a shape near Artemis's underarm.

Foaly cleared his throat.

"What, may I ask, is going on?"

"Foaly!" Holly shouted. "Come tell Mulch that this is definitely a Neutrino."

"And what am I supposed to be looking at?" Foaly asked, trotting over.

"Presenting…," Orion, who was indeed in the bed, made trumpeting sounds, "My birthmark!" Foaly peered closer in bewilderment, then pulled away, shaking his head. There was indeed a brown spot next to the human's arm pit, shaped a bit like his old tin foil hat. He turned to Dr. Argon.

"I thought he didn't have a birthmark?" Argon shrugged.

"That's what everyone thought, including his mother. But…" He gestured to the brown blob on Orion's chest.

"Well, horsey?" Mulch asked, "Neutrino or bum flap?" Foaly looked at the mark again. And noticed that one corner of it was dripping.

"Neither," he said firmly. There was an instant uproar, but he held up his hand. "Wait. I was going to say that it looked like peanut butter."

The centaur picked up a napkin left over from Orion's meal and wiped the stain away.

Everyone stared at Orion, who was looking sheepish.

"I wanted a birthmark!"

Argon was looking especially chagrined. Angeline seemed relieved, Butler annoyed, Holly disgruntled, and Mulch amused. So amused, in fact, that he reached over and high-fived Orion.

"Nice one, mud whelp."

Having moved to the corner, Argon was furiously erasing his notes. Foaly trotted over and handed him the forms.

"Here's the stuff you wanted, Doctor."

"Thank you, Foaly."

"No problem." Orion decided to butt in.

"Noble steed!" he shouted, "Your brilliance is truly amazing! If I were king of this castle, you would be my right hand man! I mean, horse. Er… centaur. Yes, my right hand centaur! Although, I had already promised the position to Mulch, here…," Orion trailed off, looking disappointed.

"I know, Orion," Foaly said, "Mulch can be the court jester, and I can be the right hand centaur." Orion clapped his hands in delight, while Holly circled around to Foaly.

"Don't encourage him," she muttered, but it was too late.

"Ah, fair princess!" Orion continued, "Of course you would be my queen, benevolent and beautiful, sitting beside me in a throne made of ivory and roses!"

"How would that even work?" Holly asked Foaly, turning away from Orion, "Ivory and roses?"

"Steel roses!" Orion amended, "No, diamond! Because nothing is too beautiful or too much for thee, the fairest maiden in all the land! And sir Butler!" Butler turned to face Orion, dread on his face. The big man had become all too used to Orion's rants, which often included him.

"Yes, Orion?"

"You would lead my army of knights! With you at the head of every battle, we would vanquish the enemy in seconds!"

"Where does Opal fit into all this, Orion?" Holly asked.

"Why, she is the evil witch, who lures children into her house and eats them! Sir Butler will take care of her, never fear my fair lady!"

"Don't worry, Orion," Butler said, "I'll push her in her oven. And if that doesn't work, I'll try water and see if she melts."


	12. Chapter 12

**Salud! Er, I seem to have made a **_**faux pas**_** in the last chap. Ni hao is not Japanese, thank you to those who corrected me! This chap came pretty easily, and it's a fairly decent length. Just a bit of silliness! Oh my gosh! I'm only seventeen reviews away from two hundred! Insane! Thank you everyone!**

**ACompanyofSwans: You know, maybe I'll write that fic. Thank you for the idea, I'll file that away in "Fanfiction Ideas". Thank you for reviewing!**

**Jasmine Wanderer: It would make things a lot easier, wouldn't it? Just turn on the sprinklers to Fowl Manor and Presto! You've got yourself a puddle of Opal soup! **

**Sugarpunch18: That would be a great name, and I totally don't mind. I'm always honored when something I do provides inspiration for someone.**

**sliz225: Thanks for pointing that out! There's nothing I hate worse that bad grammar in fanfiction- or anything for that matter. Well, some things. But not many.**

**Serendipital: Nice name by the way. I love it when reviewers tell me they laughed at my story, it means I'm doing something right.**

**TSL Dowi: Thanks for reading it so many times! I'm honored that my little drabbles are your favorites, and I hope you like this chapter just as much.**

**I DON'T OWN ARTEMIS FOWL THE SECOND (II). **

"Fe-fi-fo-fum! I smell the blood of an Englishman!"

If Artemis did such things, he would have groaned and banged his head against the nearest surface. For who-knows-how long (it was hard to tell time inside your own head), he had been subject to torture by fairy tale. Orion had decided to educate Actaeon in the ways of the imaginary, and had been telling story after story. Cinderella, Jack and the Beanstalk, Sleeping Beauty, and he seemed particularly fond of Snow White.

Orion was in a chair, Actaeon at his feet sitting on a bean bag, staring up in fascination at Orion, who was gesturing wildly and making funny voices for all the characters. Artemis wasn't sure where the bean bag had come from, as even Miles and Beckett didn't have one.

Orion seemed to have taken a liking to Actaeon, as much as you can take a liking to yourself, considering how opposed to his initial presence he was. Artemis was not thrilled with either alter.

He would have preferred, or course, that neither of the personalities existed, but he supposed they _were _part of him. He would have to accept them sooner or later, if he ever wanted to get out of this psych ward.

"Artemis! Artemis, come over here!" Artemis turned to see Actaeon frantically waving at him. He grudgingly walked over. Actaeon wouldn't stop pestering him until he did.

"Artemis, do the giant!" Actaeon pleaded, looking up at him with wide eyes.

"Excuse me?" Artemis asked.

"Do the giant! The giant!" Orion cut in before Artemis could get- if possible- even more annoyed.

"Artemis, compadre, you stand here." Orion got off his chair and attempted to force Artemis up onto it. "You'll be the giant coming down the beanstalk, and I'll be Jack cutting the beanstalk down!" Actaeon clapped his hands in delight.

"Absolutely not," Artemis said firmly, removing Orion's hands from his back and stepping away from the chair. "I will do no such thing." Actaeon started to sniffle, and Orion frowned.

"Don't forget that I actually paid attention to Butler in our self-defense lessons. If you don't get up on that chair and act like a giant, I will make you." Orion shook his finger threateningly.

Artemis considered for a moment, then stepped up onto the chair looking murderous.

"That's it!" Orion said, "Now, be a giant. With the voice."

"Fe-fi-fo-fum," Artemis growled. The growl was meant to be an expression of his anger at his situation, but Actaeon giggled and Orion said:

"Wonderful! Keep that up. Ok, I'm going to cut down the beanstalk now."

Orion made a few chopping motions at the chair. Actaeon frowned. _Apparently,_ Artemis thought, _this is not _entertaining _enough for him. Well, he can just-_

This thought was abruptly cut off as Orion kicked the chair over in an attempt to appease Actaeon. It worked. Actaeon fell backwards laughing as Artemis crawled out from under the chair, moaning in pain.

"Orion!" The romantic looked over from where he was smiling dotingly at Actaeon. "Why did you do that?"

"Do what?" Orion smirked.

"Kick the chair over!"

"Actaeon was bored," Orion gestured at the still laughing youth.

"You are not his mother!" Artemis shouted.

"No," Orion agreed, "I'm him. So, I guess that means I was bored too, huh?"

Artemis frowned. Orion… had a point. As much as it pained him to admit it. And it pained him a lot. What did not pain him, however, was that apart from coddling Actaeon, Orion had been almost… normal this time.

The therapy was working.

"Ok, Artemis," Orion interrupted his thoughts, "Now come be the fairy godmother."


	13. Chapter 13

**Zdrastvwee! So, as much as I love this fic… and don't want it to end… it has to. NOOOO! Ah, well. I'm thinking of wrapping it up around chapter twenty. Yep. Feedback? Yeah, it makes me sad too. Very. Probably more than you guys, actually. Well, all good things must come to a close. Or something. **

**Ooo! Eight reviews away from two hundred! **

**Also, I'm going to start updating once a week, instead of once every other week. Hurray!**

**Jasmine Wanderer: Here's how I imagine it works: If all three are part of Artemis, then inside his mind all three of his personalities can coexist, just simultaneously instead of one at a time. If that makes sense…**

**Maddyfae: Hopefully this chapter will satisfy, as far as Actaeon meeting the others. **

**ACompanyofSwans: Thanks for subscribing, but if I write that fic it won't be soon, just so you know. Personal projects seem to be overtaking my life… but hopefully I'll still have time for that fic! It's too good an idea to pass up.**

**AlvaBlueFyre: Here it is! Second Actaeon chap, hope you like it!**

**I don't own Artemis… as much as I want to. **

"Holly! Thank Frond." Foaly skidded out into the hallway in front of Holly, who was passing by Artemis' room.

"What is it, Foaly? Did something happen to Artemis?" Holly quickly hid something behind her back, which Foaly couldn't help but notice.

"Wait- what's that?" He squinted suspiciously, clip-clopping a step closer.

"What? Nothing! What are you talking about?" Holly quickly backpedaled, but Foaly was, for once, faster. He snatched the book out from Holly's hand despite her quick reflexes. Foaly held the book out of her reach while he read the cover aloud:

"_Landing in Love. LANDING IN LOVE?_ Holly Short! This is one of Artemis' little paperback romances! And _you _were reading it!" Foaly bent over, whinnying in laughter, clutching the book. "This is… too good… to be true!" Holly glowered.

"Well, if you're done laughing," she said, snatching the book back protectively, "I was almost finished with that one."

"Oh, I'm not done laughing, captain. You-," But whatever Foaly was about to say to an increasingly irate Holly was cut off by a loud crash and a maniacal giggle from the room behind them.

"Oh, yeah! Holly, we have… a bit of a situation. I suppose the book thing could have waited… I just hope Mulch isn't dead yet…" he trailed off, looking thoughtful.

"What's happened, Foaly?" Holly questioned, reaching for her gun.

"We seem to have… misplaced Actaeon. Well, not misplaced, per se," Foaly corrected, seeing the look on Holly's face, "We know he's in the room, we just don't know where."

"Well? What do you mean, donkey boy?" Holly waved the novel threateningly in Foaly's face, who took a nervous step back.

"Well, he wanted to play hide-and-seek! And we know he's in there, but we can't darvit-ing find him! He keeps making stuff fall over and throwing things at us, but we can't find the little mud-whelp. He's disappeared!"

Holly sighed in exasperation and dread.

"Let's get this over with." She marched into the room, surveying the damage. A lamp was broken, apparently pushed off the bedside. The pillows on the bed were tossed around the room, the books Artemis had been reading were strewn everywhere, and a trembling Mulch was huddled in a corner.

Holly slid along the wall over to Mulch.

"Actaeon!" she called, "are you there? Can you please come out?"

A giggle was her only response, coming from under the bed. Holly moved slowly towards the sound, only to be pushed onto the bed from behind by a thrown pillow. When she whirled around Actaeon was nowhere to be seen.

_There really aren't many places to hide in this room, _she reasoned. It should be relatively simple to corner the boy.

How wrong she was.

An hour later, a sweating, exhausted Holly was near tears, Mulch was comatose under the bed, and Foaly was beating his forehead against the wall, muttering strings of equations under his breath.

_Maybe a change of tactics?_ Holly thought. She glanced at the book in her hand. It was worth a try, at least.

"Actaeon!" she called, praying to every deity that this would work, "If you come out, I'll read you a story!" She heard a rustling from behind the bed, and froze, not daring to move.

"Yes! It's a really good one, too! Um… _Landing in Love_! I know you'll like it, Artemis does!"

A head cautiously rose from behind the bed, blinking wide, mismatched eyes at Holly.

"Here, I'll read you some of it," Holly opened the book to the first page. _Angeline's going to kill me._ "Here's how it starts:

"Once upon a time-" That wasn't really how it started, but Holly couldn't bring herself to read what was actually written to Artemis' five-year-old mind. In any case, it worked. Actaeon scrambled into the bed, pulling the covers up to his neck and staring expectantly at Holly. She sighed in relief.

"Ok. Yes, well, Once upon a time, there was a… uh…," Holly stared at the page, "A… pretty… princess, yeah. And the princess… um… was lonely. Because she didn't have a prince." That would work. Now to keep this up until someone could tie the boy down.


	14. Chapter 14

**As they say on Mars, iTgwip! Means "hello" in Martian. I **_**could **_**go into Martian culture and the complex development of language parallel to social structure, but I think I'll just write a meaningless author's note instead. **

**Fun chapter, I think. Poor Arty. His romance novels are just too addicting!**

**Jasmine Wanderer: Thanks for the grammar tips, I fixed the mistakes. If you see any on this chapter (hopefully not) let me know! Here's some more Mulch, hopefully just as funny.**

**Serendipital: Thanks for the tip. I fixed it, hopefully I got it right!**

**cloudseeker6729: You can see all three at once in chapter twelve if you want. Thanks for reviewing!**

**sliz225: Glad to help you relax. I hope you did well on your test! **

**ACompanyofSwans: Gosh, I love your long reviews. They make me feel so loved! It is a pretty hilarious picture, isn't it? Yep, Mulch doesn't need to say anything to be funny. He's just Mulch! I couldn't make him be… un-funny?... if I tried. **

**I hope you all LOVE the chap! For any of you who missed it last week, I'm going to be updating the fic once a week now. Yay!**

**I don't own Domovoi Butler. Oops, sorry, did I say Butler? I meant Holly. Oh, fine, I don't own Artemis Fowl.**

"Stay away from me," Artemis warned, scooting to the opposite side of his bed. Mulch was on the other, grinning innocently at Artemis. The fact that Mulch was trying to look innocent, in its self, was a very good reason to get as far away from the dwarf as possible. However, Artemis had several better reasons.

"Now Artemis," Argon intoned, standing at the foot of the bed with his ever-present clipboard, "Please, be reasonable. This is only a step, but steps must be taken if you want to suppress the Actaeon personality before it takes up Orion's slack. _None _of us want that to happen, believe me. From what we've gleamed of Actaeon, he seems to be trying to make up for your lack of childhood… well, _normal_ childhood experiences."

"Go on, Artemis," Holly urged, shoving Artemis closer to Mulch, "Do it. Hug him." Mulch obligingly spread his arms.

"Come on, mud whelp, I don't bite. All right, that is a complete lie. I bite a lot of things, as you already know. But, I won't bite _you_. Right now, at least. Do I need to go on?"

"No, Mulch, you don't. However, I really don't see-"

"Come now, Artemis," Argon said, "You didn't have a typical loving, family-friendly environment as a child, and the part of you that is Actaeon _needs_ to be hugged. It's an important part of childhood." He looked at Holly for support.

"It's true, Arty," Holly nodded gravely, "Foaly was never hugged as a child, and look at him now."

"But why does it have to be _Mulch_?"

"Because, mud whelp, I happen to be here today. Also… well, I can't think of any more reasons, really. In fact, why _am_ I volunteering to hug you? I don't want your mud man germs all over me!" He turned to Argon.

"For Frond's sake!" Holly shouted, and pushed Artemis into Mulch. It was, to say the least, the most awkward hug anyone in the room had ever witnessed. Could it be classified as a hug, even? Dr. Argon decided it could, for the sake of time.

"That was very good, Artemis. Don't you feel better now? Loved? Accepted?"

Artemis struggled away from Mulch and looked at Argon incredulously.

"Look at me!" Artemis spread his arms, "I am covered in… dirt!"

"Not just dirt, mud whelp," Mulch winked at Artemis, "I just got done tunneling, if you know what I mean." Artemis gave a little whimper-scream and tried to brush off his shirt while avoiding contact with the substance as much as possible.

"And for your information," he said furiously, "I do not feel any more _loved_. I felt _loved _enough before this ordeal!"

"Oh, come on, Artemis," Holly said, trying not to laugh, "I'm sure that inside you're feeling all warm and fuzzy. I bet that being hugged was all it took for your icy heart to be melted and for your true loving, caring, _cuddly_ personality to shine through!"

There was a dead silence as everyone in the room stared at Holly. And then Artemis asked:

"_Beastly Beauty_?"

Holly nodded happily.

"Holly. You have a problem. The first step is to admit it."

"Artemis, you wrote the books in the first place, so you must have more of a problem than I do. You're a _guy_."

Mulch caught on.

"What have I started?" he groaned. Artemis just shook his head.

"Mulch, you have no idea."

"They can't be t_hat_ good, mud whelp!"

Holly snickered.

"Why don't you read one and find out? Here." From out of nowhere, she pulled a squat paperback and handed it to Mulch. "But I need it back, that one's my favorite." Mulch took it suspiciously.

"Alright. I'll try it. But only because Foaly was-" He broke off, clapping a hand over his mouth.

"_Foaly_?" Holly shouted, "_Foaly _was reading them? And he had the gall to make fun of _me_! Oh, I'll get him for this…"

Argon wandered over to Artemis' bedside, away from the two now debating Artemis' latest romance novel.

"Well, Artemis, it seems that you're little books are getting quite popular down here. I myself was just glancing through _Pages of the Heart_, and I think we have quite a bit to talk about."

Artemis groaned. How he regretted reading that romance of Juliet's. Because, or so Juliet said, once you read one, you just have to read more. Or in Artemis' case, write them.


	15. Chapter 15

**How do you do? This is a bit later than Saturday, sorry. Anyways, I was out of town at a place with lousy WiFi that made me want to drop kick my laptop through a window. Thankfully, I didn't. Just replying to reviews now, carry on. **

**Jasmine Wanderer: This fic will be about twenty chapters. If I can get it wrapped up that quick. I need to, though, I've got a lot of personal projects to work on. I really don't want to let it go, but alas! Oui, I had fun writing that bit.**

**Taruya-chan: No, you're right; he was about ten when he started writing them, according to The Time Paradox. Mulch's reaction… I'm pretty sure he's been reading them too. Like a disease, they're overtaking the Lower Elements! Escape while you can!**

**Serendipital: No, I just forgot again. *Smacks self in forehead* I'll fix those… eventually. Yes, I question Argon's sanity by choosing Mulch to hug Arty. But Mulch likes giving hugs… I think.**

**Valerie3: That would be hilarious! I'll be sure to reference that or something in the next chap. **

**Apollo Fowl II: I read The Throne of Fire last week, too! It was great, wasn't it? I love Riordan's books. Well, I love any kind of mythology, so I kind of had to love them. Anyways, thanks for the review! And Mulch doesn't know why he would volunteer either. **

**ACompanyofSwans: Well, thank you very much. Nice use of the word "emulate" by the way. ;) I love words. Yes, Foaly was… neglected, shall we say. He turned to computers and technology for the love and acceptance he never received at home. Poor Foaly… well, at least his gadgets love him.**

**Wow, I am in a type-y mood today! I think I'll go write Thursday's chap early!**

**I think I dropped the ball with this chap. I'm running out of inspiration for Orion! And have I stretched the romance novels far enough? When out of inspiration, fall back to trashy, addictive paperbacks.**

**I do not claim possession or ownership over one Artemis Fowl the Second, nor any affiliates or relations.**

Butler sat by one Orion Fowl's bedside, gazing listlessly at the youth. Maybe he was slipping in his bodyguard duties, but he was just so _bored_. With Orion becoming increasingly normal- Frond- and nowhere he could work out without crushing the equipment- he had tried- Butler had nothing to occupy his attention.

Except… his large hand twitched towards his equally sizeable pocket. No. Not where Artemis could see. It the boy found out, he would never live it down.

Butler had a secret.

Everyone else thought he was staunchly above the influence of Artemis' little romance-bug. How wrong they were. In fact, Butler was far more addicted to the evil little paperbacks than any of them, except perhaps Foaly, who had locked himself in his operations booth the previous day with twenty of the novels.

But none of them knew that Butler too had caved.

In his defense, he had been influenced by Juliet for a good portion of his life.

Orion turned a page of his book. It was a collection of fairy tales. This was what Orion had been doing since the alter had woken from shock therapy. Reading. Just reading. It was unnerving. No theatrics, no ballads, no sonnets, limericks, odes. Needless to say, they were relieved.

Then Orion spoke.

"Sir Butler."

"Yes, Orion?" Butler looked expectantly at the (not so) romantic.

"I want a castle." There he was.

"What for?" Butler asked, "You have the manor."

"No, no, no." Orion flipped to a page in the storybook and showed Butler the picture. A castle, complete with moat, turrets, and drawbridge. "Like this. Only, with some improvements." The boy looked expectantly up at Butler, who sighed.

"What kind of improvements, Orion?" Orion grinned.

"Well, you see, this is just a normal castle. I want a magic castle. With a sea monster in the moat. That way it could eat all of my enemies who tried to plunder my castle. Also, it would have to change color. The castle, I mean. See, whatever color castle I wanted that day, it would change to! Doesn't that sound magical?"

Butler nodded gravely. Magical indeed.

"But that's not all! Inside would be filled with magic mirrors, magic carpets, magic wands, magic swords, magic daggers, magic shields, magic pebbles, magic chairs, magic plants-"

Butler held up a hand, determined to head the boy off.

"Orion. Are there any dragons in your castle?" Orion looked delighted. He seemed to be channeling Actaeon today.

"Yes of course, Sir Butler! Excellent question! There are indeed a hundred fire-breathing dragons that you, my best knight, have slain! They adorn the halls, and when visitors from foreign lands visit our magnificent abode, they are awed by the might of such a night! But not as awed by you, Sir Butler, as the Princess Holly!"

Butler groaned. That did it. Orion would never come out of it now.

"By her noble posture, her angelic features, her pristine beauty, her stunning visage, her-" How long would it take Orion to run out of adjectives, Butler wondered. Quite a while, he answered himself.

He slowly slid a hand into his pocked. Slowly slid it out, concealing a squat book in it. Slowly hid the book under the edge of Orion's nightstand, ducking his head to read. Slowly flipped in to page thirty. Slowly smiled.

He had put it down at such a cliffhanger!

"-Intelligence unmatched by all of the centaurs under the world, and all of the genii over it-"

"Do tell." A new, distinctly horsey voice interrupted Butler's reading. He jumped in surprise, something no good bodyguard should ever be caught doing. In his defense, no good bodyguard had ever been under the earth's crust by the side of an insane romantic and a centaur.

"Foaly," he growled, "How long have you been in this room?" The centaur gave a whinnying chuckle.

"About two minutes, mud man. You're slipping." Butler hid the book in his pocket quickly. And had about as much luck as Holly. He was doomed.

"Is that what I think it is?" Foaly trotted over to Butler. "C'mon mud man. Is it? It is! Unbelievable. I mean, Holly, I should have expected that. But you? Wait until Artemis hears about this!"

"Foaly," Butler said gravely, "If you breathe a word of this to anyone, I will personally make sure that you need to modify your swivel chair. Again. Also, look who's talking! I would bet that you have at least three stashed about your person somewhere." He eyed a suspicious square lump hear Foaly's hip.

The centaur sniffed.

"Well, at least I'm a fairy, not a huge mud man bodyguard. I am probably far less embarrassed to be caught reading these pieces of trash than you."

"You've got that right," Butler rolled his eyes and glanced at Orion.

"-whose hair is of the finest spun gold… I mean… the finest tones to red, ripped straight from the sun's rays-"

Foaly and Butler both pulled out their books.


	16. Chapter 16

'**Lo, all! Hee hee. Guess what? I've got this fic back on track! I'm thinking it might just be possible to wrap it up by chapter twenty! I've already got the skeleton of each planned out. Aren't you just ecstatic for me? Yes, I know. **

**So, bad and good news. Which first? The good, you say? Well, too bad. I'm going to tell you the bad news first. **

**I won't be able to update for three weeks. **

**Please don't kill me. I know, I'm dying inside as well. But the good news: I won't be able to update because I'll be in France! Hurrah! Soo… hopefully because I've been updating once a week it'll kind of but not really make up for the time I'll miss.**

**However there is a slim chance that I'll be able to get WiFi where I'm staying, in that case, great! I'll try to update. But don't expect it. I'm so sorry! **

**But wait, there's more good news! It's like a good-bad-good news sandwich. Wait… Remember a couple chapters ago when there was mention of me writing a fic with Artemis as prince and Foaly as right-hand-centaur and so on? Well… I wrote it! And I'm posting it today, the second I post this chap, actually. It's your reward for waiting three weeks. So, go to my profile and check out: A Fowl Fairytale. Remember to review!**

"Artemis." Artemis turned his head toward Orion.

"Yes, Orion?"

"Why didn't you hug Holly instead of Mulch? I'm sure Argon would have had no problem."

Artemis sighed. After being forced to endure a day of hugs, games, and stupid human children's songs, he was not permitted to rest. Oh, no. Artemis had to go back into his mind room and try to appease his alters. As if Pop Goes the Weasel hadn't been enough.

"Orion, we have discussed this. Mulch volunteered. I did not want to hug _anyone_, in any case."

"Artemis?" Artemis turned his head the other way toward Actaeon.

"Yes, Actaeon?"

"Finish the story!" Artemis was surprised he wasn't insane yet. Well, more insane than he already was. The whole situation was ludicrous. He was inside his own mind, sitting on a _bean bag_, reading _Cinderella_ to himself while simultaneously arguing with himself about hugs.

"Fine, Actaeon. And then, the fairy godmother turned Cinderella's plain shoes into beautiful glass slippers, and they went to the ball. However, Cinderella only had until midnight-"

Artemis, however, could see progress. Argon was doing something right, at least. Orion, for one, had been incredibly normal as of late. The entire time in the mind room, he had not once made any references to stories or fantasy tales, and here he was sitting next to Artemis having a semi-realistic conversation with him.

And Actaeon was successfully being headed off before he could gain any more consciousness. The childlike alter was easily appeased with storybooks and fairy tales.

"-and they lived happily ever after." Artemis closed the book. Finally. Hopefully Orion wouldn't conjure up any more virtual storybooks. He had discovered that like the mysterious bean bag chair, if he thought hard enough, Artemis's subconscious would project that image into the mind room. Not magic, but memory.

"Artemis?" Actaeon was looking at Artemis with puppy-dog eyes, something Artemis was fairly certain he couldn't manage if he tried. 

"What is it, Actaeon?"

"Will you give me a hug?" Artemis looked incredulously at Actaeon.

"A hug? You want a hug." Actaeon nodded vigorously.

"Please?"

"Go on, Artemis," Orion urged. "Maybe it'll help, you know…" Artemis had discovered that Orion did not particularly like the feeling of his consciousness being siphoned off to form another alter. Although Orion seemed to get along with Actaeon, the romantic alter was just as eager as Artemis to thin the crowd.

Artemis steeled himself. He did not like hugs. A lot of diseases could be transmitted through hugging. But there was no harm in hugging himself, was there?

He hugged Actaeon. Orion "Aww-ed" in the background. Artemis quickly stepped away.

"You have to love yourself if you want to be able to love others," Orion lectured, "You, Artemis, are a wonderful, lovely ray of sunshine. If a bit boorish. You have to accept Actaeon and I as part of you."

Artemis shook his head. First Argon and now he was actually counseling himself. And how could Actaeon be part of him? He was more like Beckett or Miles! But, if Admitted it to himself, and he wasn't likely to any time soon, being hugged did feel a little nice. But he would never admit it.

"I heard that, Artemis!" Orion sang in the background. D'arvit. Of course Orion knew what he was thinking, they shared a mind!

"Are you Cinderella, Artemis?"

Artemis choked.

"Actaeon. Why would you think I am Cinderella?" Breathe. Just breathe. Actaeon looked up at him, features childlike in their innocence. Seeing the expression on his own face made Artemis shudder.

"Well..." Actaeon thought about the question. "Well… you both know fairies! And you both live in castles!"

_He actually makes a point. _Artemis thought, surprised.

"Well, Actaeon, I do know fairies and live in a large house, but I am not a girl, nor do I have a Prince Charming, evil stepsisters, or glass slippers."

"I don't know about the girl part, Artemis," Orion jabbed, "And Holly could be your Prince Charming." Actaeon nodded happily.

"See, Artemis? So, you could be Cinderella! Right?" Actaeon looked ready to burst into tears if Artemis denied it.

"Fine, Actaeon. I suppose I am… similar to Cinderella," Artemis conceded. Orion snickered and Artemis glared at him.

Orion had been unusually… cynical this visit to the mind room. Perhaps rude would have been a better adjective, or mocking. But whatever the description, Artemis dearly hoped that it was a sign or Orion's personality beginning to merge with his own.

"And his shoes certainly are expensive enough to be glass slippers," Orion continued, "And I just know Trouble Kelp would love to fill in as Fairy Godmother."


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey, dear readers! I'm back from France, and let me tell you, it was amazing! I highly reccommend it. Which means finally I can finish this fic! The rest of the chapters will be a bit longer than the rest, averaging one thousand words instead of seven hundred. Yay! Real progress will be made from now on, seeing as we've only got three more. Sad...**

**But guess what? In one massive surge of creative inspiration, I have finished this fic! I will still posting week by week, but yay for no more writer's block! Hurrah!**

**Guess what today is, everyone! That's right... Harry Potter day. I am going to take a box of tissues to the premier. **

**Piratefan2a: Hmm... pickup lines. That is a really good idea. I don't think I can work that into the plot, however, without kind of regressing the Orion personality. Sorry! But thanks for the review! (maybe you should write a fic all about Orion's pickup lines- I'd read that).**

**KayDee- DesignerExtraordinare: That blog is a cool idea... but I have no idea how. But gracias for the review, I know, I loved writing him like that. More in the next chap.**

**Taruya-Chan: I know! It's like when Actaeon is out, Artemis should transform into a younger version of himself. Hilarious, nonetheless.**

**ACompanyofSwans: Yeah, it's a relief to have the details done, actually, the entire fic. It was nice to take a break, but now I just want to finish this thing! Thanks for reading my new fic, it was fun writing it. :)**

**Hey, everyone, heads up. Does anyone know if you get alerts for the fic if a chapter is edited? ("replaced")? Because, if you do, then you'll be getting about sixteen. I'm going through all the chapters and fixing any grammar errors, so if you see any after I go through, be sure to tell me. I WILL have a grammatically perfect fic.**

**I don't own Arty, though I so long to.**

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? And the mirror said: Snow White is the fairest of them all. And that made the evil queen very jealous." Holly paused to take a breath. Reading innumerable fairy tales for three hours straight really took it out of a girl. This was the fourth reading of _Snow White_; Actaeon seemed particularly addicted to the story.

"Holly?" Holly looked up from the pages of the mud man book to Actaeon. Frond, his eyes- they were still Artemis', but Actaeon somehow managed to work them into little-kid puppy-dog eyes. It was unbearable.

"What is it, Actaeon?"

"How did the mirror know?" Holly looked at him, startled. He did not often question the stories they read him.

"Well, it was a magic mirror."

"But… how did it get magic? Mirrors aren't magic." Actaeon looked confused.

"It's just a fairy tale, Actaeon. It's not actually real." For Actaeon, this question was surprisingly… logical. Like he was realizing something important. The boy shuddered.

"But… Holly!"

"Yes, I'm right here, Actaeon." Holly raised her eyebrows.

"No, Holly, it's me, Artemis! I broke through!" Holly jumped to her feet.

"Are you serious? Wait… what color is my hair?" Artemis rolled his eyes.

"I see. Checking to make sure it's not Orion. Your hair, in my opinion, is dark auburn, though I'm sure some would call it medium. And Orion would most likely describe it as being the essence of a fiery star, or some such nonsense."

"I'll call Argon!" Holly hurried over to the button by Artemis' bed and pressed it.

"How did you get out, Artemis?" Artemis shrugged.

"I do not know. I was watching and then-" Argon hurried through the door.

"What is it, Captain Short? You buzzed?"

"Yes. I was reading to Actaeon, and something happened…"

"Hello, doctor," Artemis cut in smoothly, "it seems we have made progress."

The doctor was speechless for a solid five seconds. Then he strode over to Artemis' bed, pulling out his trusty clipboard.

"This is excellent. It means you, at some level, found something in Actaeon that you accept is in fact in you, and the connection allowed you to take over consciousness for the time being. I want you to tell me exactly what you were doing when you were able to get through."

"I was just telling Holly," Artemis said, "I was sitting-"

"Sitting?" Argon interrupted, "Sitting in what?" Artemis rolled his eyes.

"I assume you want to know what happened, doctor? When in these induced sleeps, my subconscious creates a room, with a screen through which I can see whatever is happening in the world around me. As I said, I was sitting-"

"But sitting in w_hat_?" Argon stressed. Artemis sniffed.

"A bean bag, if you must know."

Holly snorted.

"A _bean bag_? I didn't think you even knew what those were!" Artemis frowned.

"Obviously I do, captain, as my subconscious conjured one up for me to sit on. As I was saying, I was sitting, with… Orion, watching the screen."

"What were you thinking at the time?" Argon, who was scribbling on his clipboard, asked.

"I was telling Orion how ridiculous those fairy tales are. A magic mirror, I ask you! In what world are _mirrors_ magic?"

"In what world do fairies and centaurs exist?" Holly asked, smiling.

"A fair point," admitted Artemis.

"Captain Short," began Argon, "did Actaeon say anything to you before Artemis' personality emerged?"

Holly nodded.

"Yes, he did, actually. He was… confused… about how the mirror in _Snow White _could be magical."

It didn't take a genius to connect the dots. One did, regardless.

"It would seem," Artemis deduced, "that Actaeon's thoughts were affected by mine, and this influenced his actions. You may be right doctor; on some level I have realized my connection with Actaeon."

Dr. Argon did not like being told that he may be right. He was the doctor here, for Frond's sake!

"Indeed, Artemis, it appears I "may have been right"," said Argon testily. "In fact, I daresay I am probably right. What you need soon is another induced sleep to follow this up."

Artemis sighed.

"Now doctor? You wish to put me to sleep right this instant? Without further experimenting and observation on just how long this particular affect will last?"

Argon flushed, but realized the truth in Artemis' words.

"Very well, Master Fowl, I will wait. While we are on the subject, can you tell me where Orion was while you were talking to him in this…"room"?"

"Certainly doctor," Artemis looked like he knew exactly what was coming, "Orion was swimming in the pool of the mind-room. There are dolphins in it, you know. Actaeon named them after the dwarves in _Snow White_. He was just about to try out the jet ski when I broke through. It is quite a big pool."

Argon sighed, and Holly stifled her laugh.

"Please, Artemis, let's be serious," Argon said, "this is crucial for your therapy."

"Very well, doctor," Artemis said, "Orion was sitting next to me on another… bean bag."

Argon raised an eyebrow.

"Was he? And you were allowing this? I was under the impression that you did not care for Orion."

Artemis frowned.

"For your information, doctor, Orion has been much more… bearable as of late. The ridiculous delusion that he seemed to be stuck in have dissipated, and now he is merely annoying. In fact, if anything he has been slightly mean. It is a relief, let me assure you."

Argon scribbled for a full minute, missing the shudder that ran through Artemis' body and the change in his eyes.

"Doctor," Holly started, but was cut off.

"What do you mean by "mean", Artemis?" Doubtless he would have continued, but Argon looked up and saw that the boy in the bed's demeanor had changed drastically.

"Holly," Actaeon said, "Can I have some juice? Grape? And finish the story? And then play hide-and-seek?"


	18. Chapter 18

**Ahoy and avast, me hearties! Chapter eighteen... sob. Only two more. Two more FANTASTIC chapters, may I add. I'm sorry if it seems a bit rushed, but I like it. I probably could have prepared more for this chap, what with Arty's only recent breakthrough, but I think it works.**

**Orion-yes that's my real name: Well, thank you for reviewing every chapter. And thanks for the grammar tips, I'll fix those.**

**Jasmine Wanderer: Have I said before that I love your name? Very poetic. Indeed, france was beyond words. (Except for beautiful, stunning, amazing, and the like). Well, you don't have to wait much longer for Actaeon, simply scroll down and skip the fairly lengthy A/N! **

**Volcanic Lily: First, is there a such thing as a volcanic lily? That grows on volcanoes, perhaps? That would be neat. And Actaeon does bring up a good point, doesn't he? Fairy tales simply assume that magic exists, and provide no explanation. Thanks for the review!  
**

**FFcrazy15: Thank you, thank you. I do try and make my fics amazing.**

**ACompanyofSwans: Yes, poor Argon. He'll need therapy himself, in the long run. Glad to be back!**

**Weeeellll... enjoy the chap! I personally like it. I think I like these last chapters better than the previous, but that's just me.**

**I don't own wonderful Arty and/or Orion Fowl. **

In the mind room, Artemis stood facing Actaeon. Orion stood off to the side, observing the interaction.

"Right, Actaeon," Artemis sounded determined, "What do you think of the magic mirror in _Snow White_?"

The child/teen stared at Artemis.

"It's magic!"

"Yes, it is. And does that not seem a bit… far-fetched?"

"No. It's magic! Will you read it to me?" Artemis sighed, turning to Orion.

"What now?" This was the third time they had gone through this routine. Artemis, encouraged by the break through- literally- had decided to buckle down and get rid of Actaeon once and for all. Well, at least absorb him into Artemis' personality. Actaeon would always be a part of Artemis.

But so far, no luck.

"Try again?" suggested Orion.

"Fine. Once more. Actaeon, how did the mirror get to be magical?" Actaeon stared at Artemis as if he was stupid.

"It's… magic," said Actaeon slowly.

Artemis threw his hands up in the air.

"Here," Orion pushed Artemis behind him, "let me try. Actaeon, we know the mirror is magic. But how does it know who the fairest in the land is? By all rights, it should be Holly." Artemis groaned, dragging Orion back as Actaeon shouted "Magic!"

Artemis paced in a circle. He was a genius; he should be able to do _something! _Perhaps he should meditate. He sat down next to Actaeon, closing his eyes.

"Artemis, what…" Artemis waved a hand at Orion, silencing him.

Actaeon was the childlike part of him, yes, but he was still part of him. And so should be as smart as him. Which was why he did not speak exactly like a child. He only acted like one.

Artemis just needed to accept him. Just as Argon, Holly, Butler, Foaly, and even Orion had been telling him. But how?

Somewhat randomly, an image popped into his mind. His father, putting the twins to sleep. Every night Artemis Sr. would take Myles and Beckett to their room, read them a story, pull their covers up and turn out the lights.

Artemis Sr. was changed, now. But he hadn't been when Artemis the Second was a child.

Perhaps… perhaps he just needed to put Actaeon to bed. Artemis' eyes flashed open, and he looked at Orion.

"That might work," said the romantic, "if you choose a good book."

"Actaeon," Artemis asked, "how would you like to go to sleep? I'll read you a story." Actaeon smiled widely, puppy-dog eyes at full force.

"Can it be _Snow White_?"

"Of course." Artemis narrowed his eyes, picturing a bed just like Myles' in the corner of the room. After a few seconds it appeared, shaped like a race car and painted bright red. Myles had an unusual fondness for cars.

Actaeon must have liked it, because he gave a little gasp and hopped over to it, dropping down onto the covers. Orion handed the book to Artemis, who imagined a bean bag next to the bed and sat in it.

"Once upon a time…" Artemis had the story almost memorized by now. In fact, just about everyone did. Holly in particular was forced to read the book to Actaeon more than was strictly necessary for quality mental health.

Hopefully, this would be the last time. Artemis swore to himself as he read that he would never eat another apple again.

"And in the house there lived seven dwarves: Happy, Grumpy, Sneezy…"

Every time Mulch saw Actaeon, the boy would address Mulch as a different dwarf. The youth seemed enamored with the concept of dwarves and- to Artemis' horror- with Mulch's bodily functions. Rather like Beau Paradizo should have been.

"And Snow White bit the apple, and fell into a deep sleep. The dwarves thought she was dead, so…"

Orion had settled down in a neighboring bean bag to listen. Artemis would be a professional by the time this was all over. Perhaps he could read to Myles and Beckett sometimes. Myles was more fond of nonfiction works than fairy tales, however. Thank goodness. Artemis had had his fill of the stories. Though, he supposed, in a way, he was living one.

"And they all lived happily ever after. The end." Artemis closed the book. At last. Now, hopefully this would work. If it didn't… well. He sincerely hoped it did.

"That is all, Actaeon," Artemis said, trying to keep his voice down, "time for you sleep now." The boy in the bed yawned, and his eyes drooped. Artemis pulled the covers of the bed up to Actaeon's chin, then on an afterthought tucked the corners around the boy's sides, as he sometimes saw his mother do to the twins.

"Goodnight, Actaeon," said Artemis. The boy seemed to be thinning, or becoming transparent.

"'Night, Artemis," Actaeon whispered, shunning his eyes. The boy let out one sigh, then seemed to become foggy. And then a sudden, remembered wind blew through the room and swept the misty figure towards Artemis. Actaeon disappeared into Artemis.

Artemis sat still, not daring to move. After five minutes, when nothing else happened, he stood. He swept the room, making sure Actaeon was not hiding somewhere.

Nothing. He was gone. Accepted and absorbed into Artemis himself, who let out a sigh of relief. He turned to Orion, who was looking a little shocked.

"I am never eating another PB and J."


	19. Chapter 19

**Velcome, friends! Oh, second to last chapter... goodbye, my wonderful fic! You have served me well. I certainly hope everyone else enjoyed it as much as I did. Now... this thursday: not sure if I'll have wifi (I'm going out of town). Hopefully I will, but just in case you don't get your update, now you know.**

**FieldofPaperFlowers: Well, thank you for reading it! (And reviewing A Fowl Fairytale). Welcome to the fic! If you like the novels, then hopefully you'll like this chap too!**

**TheOKGirlie: Thank you for thinking so highly of Actaeon! Yes, he's gone, but fear not! He still lives on in Artemis. Sting. I see. Yes, sting is good, I would have to agree with you there. Thank you for the review.**

**FFCrazy15: Yes, I pretty much "awwed" myself to death writing it. It was fun! :) And you're close... almost. Sorta. Well, just read and find out. And keep reviewing!  
**

**yarra: Yeah, Orion is indeed a dreamer. A crazy one. Thank you for loving the fic so much, and you even included a reference to the novels in your review! Muchas gracias.**

**Holly-Rose Fowl-Casson: Thanks for hte spelling check, I'll fix that now. Yeah... Arty probably wouldn't be caught dead calling someone- especially Orion- "man". Hee hee hee. Or would he?**

**ACompanyofSwans: Thanks! Yeah, I tried not to make it too mushy/touching, and apparently I did fine! So, yay! Wave the flags and sound the trumpets. These end chapters are all my personal favorites, to.**

**Well, everyone, enjoy! Live, love, laugh, REVIEW! :P And about the chap: yes, I did indeed do it. I just couldn't drop the romance novels. Hee hee. Kind of a full circle, here. What is this fool talking about, you ask? Well, just read already.**

**I don't own Artemis or Orion Fowl. As if I could come up with something that brilliant. Well, actually, I could... but that's beside the point.**

"Fair maiden…" Orion reached over to grasp Holly's hand. He managed to get a hold a millisecond before Holly could pull her hand off the bed.

"I thought you were done with the "fair maiden" stuff, Orion," Holly growled, trying to pry Orion's hand off.

"Oh, I am," Orion confirmed, "for the most part. But I thought it would be a nice way to say goodbye, the same way we first met."

"What do you mean, say goodbye?" Holly stopped trying to remove his hand and stared at him.

"Actaeon is gone," said Orion, "Artemis managed to absorb him back into the main personality. I fear I will be leaving this consciousness as well, soon, and felt I must say my farewells. I had hoped you would be here, so I might one last time assure you that your beauty knows no bounds, and angels are envious as they look down from heaven."

Holly waited for the tirade. None came.

"Wow, Orion, did you just end a sentence?" Orion nodded solemnly.

"I'll call Argon and everyone else."

"That would be wonderful, fair Princess!" Orion winked, "I would welcome the chance to say goodbye to my faithful companions."

Holly buzzed Argon, then called Foaly on her communicator and told him to round up Butler and Mulch. They came soon after Argon arrived.

"Orion," Holly gestured to the romantic in the bed, "wants to say goodbye to everyone." Foaly clip-clopped over to the bed.

"What do you mean, goodbye? Don't tell me Artemis beat his complex." Orion nodded. Argon whipped out his clipboard.

"He has indeed, noble steed. Actaeon is already a part of Artemis once again, and I will be soon to follow. I wished to say my goodbyes to you, my loyal friends, my band of adventurers, my merry men, my-"

"Orion," Mulch cut in, "I would just like to say that it has been a pleasure knowing you. You have provided me with endless hours of entertainment, also; I have a lot of material to torment the main mud whelp with now."

Orion gave a small bow.

"No thanks are needed, my noble, pungent compadre. And Butler, my faithful knight, I hope you slay a hundred dragons, or at least protect Artemis from them. Perhaps you'll rescue a princess from one. And live happily ever after." Orion smiled benignly at Butler.

"That is… very touching, Orion. I'll be on the lookout for those dragons."

"And princesses," asserted Orion, "Don't forget those. And speaking of princesses," he turned back to Holly, "Truly, Holly, _you_ are the most beautiful of them all. Ask any mirror you see. Goodbye, fair maiden. Remember, I will not be truly gone. I am a part of Artemis."

"As hard as that is to believe," Holly said.

"Indeed," replied Orion, "Now, doctor, I know how fond you are of your electrocutions. This would be the ideal time to send me back to the mind-room, before the touching moment wears off."

Argon complied.

**In the Mind Room**

"That _was_ very touching, Orion," Artemis said.

"Yes. I will miss them," Orion replied, sinking into a bean bag, "But _can_ I miss them, when I am once again a part of you?"

"Who knows?" Artemis sat opposite Orion. "You know, as… unorthodox as they are, I may have to get a few of these bean bags for the manor. I am sure that Myles and Beckett would enjoy them."

"So," Orion asked, "How do we go about this?"

Artemis was thankful that Orion was cooperating; he had feared the romantic would be opposed to being absorbed. In Orion's place he would have done all in his power to stay separate. Perhaps it was because Orion was… Orion. His only request had been to say goodbye to the others.

"I am not entirely sure," admitted Artemis, "Actaeon was easier, because he was not as strong. You, however… I don't suppose you know what to do?" Orion shook his head.

"Not a clue. Perhaps if we wrote a romance novel together?" Orion smirked. "_The Heart of the Matter_, perhaps? Or we could call it _Climbing the Stairs to your Love_. Terrible titles seem to be your style."

"Be quiet," Artemis snapped, "those titles were your idea. At least, when you were me." Artemis put a hand to his head. And then…

"Orion… perhaps we _should_ write a romance novel." Orion's eyes widened.

"Of course! Really, they are the only thing we have in common. Well, the most obvious. You wrote romance novels, and I am the romantic… some would say better… side of you!"

"Excellent. At least that is some form of a plan. Now… a romance novel. It has been a few years since I've written one."

"Maybe it's not so much as we need to write one," Orion suggested, "as we need to work together. Actaeon was lacking in something, all it took was replicating some sort of loving childhood. The novels are proof we were once one consciousness. We need to replicate a time when we were one, when we cooperated."

"Of course." Artemis thought hard. "So, perhaps the novels _are_ the key to it all. Incredible. Here-" Artemis closed his eyes, and remembered one of his many laptop computers from the manor. It appeared in front of him, already booted up and on a blank page.

"Wonderful!" Orion said. "Now we just need a plot."

Artemis thought hard.

"For the sake of irony, it should take place in medieval times…"

Several hours later, Artemis and Orion sat in front of a hundred pages of inspired genius.

Artemis looked at Orion.

"Holly will love this for sure. Perhaps I could speak to a publisher in Haven." Orion nodded happily.

"Yes. That would be wonderful. There is just one problem."

"And that is?"

"The manuscript we just wrote is inside our mind, not out there." Artemis nodded.

"I am certain I will remember it. I'll secure my laptop as soon as possible so the details don't slip away."

"Artemis, it has been a pleasure writing with you. And being you. Even though I still will be." Orion seemed to be fading as he spoke. "It worked. We really are a genius."

"Goodbye, Orion," Artemis said, "Or, rather, hello? What do you say when someone is being absorbed into you?"

Orion shrugged his misty shoulders.

"Farewell, loyal knight, and see you on the other side?" And a remembered wind swept through, and Artemis took a deep, satisfied breath as Orion melded into him. He was whole.

And he had a new audience to get addicted to his romance novels.


	20. Chapter 20

**Well, hello my friends. Yes, I realize I was supposed to post this last week, but you may have noticed in the last chap's A/N that I mentioned I might not have wifi. Actually, I did have wifi, but it was crappy and kept making me log onto the account, and I couldn't upload. Oh, well. **

**This is the last chapter, folks! Yes, it has been a great journey, and I'm sorry to see it end, but all good things must. For those of you who were with this fic from the very beginning: I can't begin to describe how wonderful you are. For those of you who picked it up somewhere along the way: I appreciate each and every one of you.**

**Thanks for reading, and I hope this last chapter lives up to everyone's expectations.**

**Serendipital: I feel the same, mon ami. And thank you, I was pretty proud of coming up with that myself. I look forward to that review!**

**Jasmine Wanderer: Totally fine, these are busy days. Sorry the chap took so long, enjoy!  
**

**FFcrazy15: Is it about Holly? The world may never know. I'm happy to know I'm someone's hero. If only I had a cape.**

**FieldOfPaperFlowers: Will you be told about the novels? Well... maybe you should read the chapter and find out... mwa ha ha! Thanks for reviewing!**

**InkWeaverabc: Thanks for reviewing every chapter! It's fine that you didn't catch it until the end, I'm sure you'll enjoy it just as much.**

**Totally Random Solembum: So sorry, but I can't give out the names of Haven bookstores, it's in my contract. ;) Thanks, one of my goals for this fic was to make everything in character, along with correct grammar. Thanks for your reviews!**

**ACompanyofSwans: You give great reviews. Just so you know. Anyway, thanks for that. I did try not to make the "sad" parts too sad, because this is a humor fic, but I wasn't sure I succeded. It was indeed hard to let go of Orion. He's easy to get attached to. I hope you like this chapter as much as the rest, and thanks again for all of your great feedback. Adios!**

**So long, folks! This is it! Tata! TTFN! Adeau! Adios! Buenos noches! Bye!**

**Hmm... my last disclamer. (For this fic). Sigh. I suppose, if you really want me to say it... I don't own Artemis or Orion Fowl, much as I enjoy playing around with them in fics.**

Holly and the rest all held their breaths as Artemis stirred, then opened his eyes. About time, too. They had been waiting for a while. It had been a bit anticlimactic, actually.

"Artemis?" Holly asked tentatively. "Is that you? Did it work?" Artemis sat up quickly.

"Foaly, where is my laptop?" Foaly shrugged.

"I… think it's in my lab. Err… in pieces. I may have dismantled it. But I can have it back to you in three hours."

"Too long. I need a computer _now_, Foaly. Please get me one." Foaly stared. The mud boy had said "please". That was something that didn't happen very often.

"Foaly! This is important." Artemis' eyes were closed, as if trying to remember something.

"Right," Foaly said, and trotted out of the lab.

"Well, Artemis?" Argon asked, "Did you beat the complex? Are your alters gone?"

"Not gone, per se," clarified Artemis, "absorbed into my consciousness. But yes, they are "gone". No more questions, please. There is something I must do, and I will tell you all everything you want to know in two hours."

Foaly conveniently galloped into the room then, carrying one of his personal laptop computers. He handed it to Artemis, who immediately opened it and started typing.

"Be careful with that, mud boy," he warned, "I made it myself." His only answer was Artemis' fingers flying over the keyboard.

Exactly two hours later Artemis looked up at Holly and Butler, who were the only ones left; Foaly, Mulch, and Argon had gotten bored left about an hour in.

"How did you do it, Artemis?" Butler asked, "Are they really gone?"

"Not gone," repeated Artemis, "simply… accepted. I merely had to find a common point between myself and each alter. Just one believable similarity that I could allow. For Actaeon, It was as simple as reading a story and putting him to bed. A bit more in-depth for Orion. We wrote another romance novel. It is, may I say, a work of genius."

"Is that what you were doing there?" Holly asked, gesturing to the laptop.

"Indeed. I had to get it down before I forgot any details. Do you think any of Haven's publishers would be willing to look at it?" Artemis smirked.

"Would a fairy company be willing to read and publish the works of the great Artemis Fowl, the most feared mud man ever to walk the earth?"

"They would be written under a pseudonym, of course. I was considering "Orion Avis". What do you think?"

"I think that Orion would be a hit. We don't get a lot of quality romance novels down here. Not that yours are quality. But they are addictive."

Artemis nodded.

"Wonderful. And I assume they would sell simply because the characters are human and not fairy. By the way, Orion had a few last words for you. I don't usually dedicate my novels, but he made me promise."

Artemis opened the laptop. In a curling, loopy font Orion had written the inscription:

_To my Fair Princess, whose angelic beauty shall be _

_the inspiration of many more works to come._

Holly shook her head.

"Unbelievable. But I suppose I'm touched. I'm glad to have you back, Arty."

"I am glad to be back, believe me. No more electrocution, thank goodness. That was getting tiring."

"I'll bet."

"So," Butler asked, "All threats from now on will come from strictly outside sources, correct? Things I can protect you from."

Artemis nodded.

"Not that I could have prevented it, but I will do my best to not develop any more psychological illnesses." He smiled slightly. "I do think writing romance paperbacks may be a sign of insanity, or something equally as serious, however."

"That's just you, Arty," Holly punched him on the shoulder, "The rest of us relax and hang out for fun; you write bestselling, trashy-yet-addictive paperbacks. Maybe, if you hadn't started writing them, you would never have gotten the complex!"

"Who can tell?" wondered Artemis, "I could have done any number of things differently."

"Including your therapy? All the hugs?" Artemis decided to amend a recent promise he had made to himself and admit something.

"If I am honest with myself, the hugs were not so bad." He smiled slightly at the amused look on Holly's face.

"Well, good, mud boy. It definitely would not be healthy for you to hate all signs of affection." And Holly reached down and pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. Artemis hugged her back.

"Are you sure he isn't Orion in disguise?" Butler asked in the background.  
Holly rolled her eyes.

"Must you ruin the moment? And yes, I am sure," then she added as an afterthought, "Oh, Arty, I've been meaning to ask: how did Actaeon make those puppy-dog eyes? It was ridiculous!"

Artemis widened his eyes, but only managed to look like a fish. Holly told him as much.

"I have no idea," Artemis admitted, "But I know _I_ can't do it."

"Good thing," Holly shuddered, "Artemis Fowl with irresistible puppy-dog eyes. You could literally rule the world."

"No need," said Artemis, "I can rule it through romance novels."


End file.
